Most parents remember going through puberty–and not all of those memories are pleasant ones. In fact, for some, puberty may have been downright traumatic. Thankfully, we’ve learned a lot since those days–which means that puberty for your kids can be a smoother, more joyful experience..
For most kids, puberty starts somewhere between the ages of 8-14 (it does tend to vary a bit between those who are assigned female at birth and those who are assigned male at birth). Preparing your kids for puberty can help make the entire experience more comfortable–for parents and for kids. When children feel prepared instead of anxious, they can look forward to the changes and new experiences in their future.
Puberty is a Normal Process
Puberty is something that happens to almost everyone–and it’s a very normal (though highly individualized) process. In general, puberty is medically defined as a time period over which a human being becomes sexually mature. This process usually occurs in stages over multiple years and can present with significant physical, emotional, and mental changes.
It’s important for parents to embrace puberty as a normal process and part of life, setting an example that your children can follow.
Tips for Parents
For parents, preparing your child for puberty can feel like a daunting project. But it doesn’t need to be arduous, and you aren’t alone on your journey. Here are some easy tips that can help start the process:
Don’t wait to talk about it: Starting the conversation well before puberty hits can help normalize the process. For example, talking about menstruation well before your child’s first period can make the entire event less alarming and stressful.
Provide accurate information: Your child needs to know what’s going to happen–not what you read on Facebook. You can read well-regarded books on the topic together, so you’re both working from the same information.
Create a safe space for questions: Your child will likely have questions that may seem awkward. But it’s important that they feel safe asking those questions around you, so make sure to avoid shaming your child for bringing up topics or questions. Instead, answer as honestly and fully as you can.
Address their concerns and fears: Talk to your child about what they fear and do what you can to mitigate those fears.
Encourage (and model) healthy habits: This can include hygiene habits, lifestyle habits, and more. At the same time, it’s important to avoid shaming your child for not following your example or “being healthy.”
How to Talk About Physical and Emotional Changes
Some parents hesitate to discuss puberty because they feel it can be awkward or private. But it’s important to discuss physical and emotional changes before they occur and while they are occuring. It’s also important to discuss these changes in a frank manner–without judgment or ridicule.
For assigned female at birth children, you may want to discuss breast development, hip development, and what to expect when menstruation begins.
For assigned male at birth children, you may want to discuss facial hair, changes to the voice, and changes to the genitals.
Emphasize that everyone develops at their own pace. For all children, there will likely be changes in body odor, hair growth, acne, and more. Discussing these changes early helps your child know what to expect and normalizes conversations around these changes. This will make your child more comfortable asking you questions when they come up.
Likewise, puberty may bring about some intense emotional changes. It’s a great idea to regularly check in on your child’s emotional wellbeing. A simple, “how are you feeling today” can go a long way and provide an opening for your child to talk about their feelings. (This should be the beginning of a conversation–not the end, of course.)
Finally, discussing physical and emotional changes that may occur can help your child talk about how those changes might make them feel. Some children may have a strong preference towards male-gendered puberty or female-gendered puberty, and if this is the case, you can talk to your child’s pediatrician about a referral to a specialist to discuss gender-affirming care
Make Sure to Emphasize the Importance of Hygiene and Sexual Health Education
Hygiene is an exceptionally important part of puberty for your child.
Changes to their body can make it hard for kids to know how to stay clean. This is a great opportunity for parents to show their kids how to wash in a way that’s hygienic and healthy for their skin.
In general, this should be accomplished using sensitive soaps, face washes, and deodorants. Avoid any products that are heavily scented, as these can be significantly harsher on childrens’ skin. It’s also important to note that, while many products are marketed towards a specific gender, they can always be used by all genders. There’s no such thing as a boys-only or girls-only deodorant.
The conversations about sexual health and hygiene are related. As a parent, there’s much you can do to ensure that your child has a robust understanding of their sexual health. Have frank conversations about sexual activity, consent, and changes to the body that they may be experiencing. Having these conversations long before puberty occurs can help normalize them–meaning your child will have confidence that you’ll always be there to answer questions in an honest, supportive way.
Support Your Child’s Mental Health
Even with the best preparation, puberty can still be a trying time for kids, especially emotionally. It’s important to give your child a safe space to be who they truly are and be there to support their emotional needs. Regularly check in with your child’s emotional wellbeing–and don’t hesitate to help them find additional support if they need it.
The more prepared your child is for puberty, the better they will be able to handle everything coming their way–and they’ll know that you’re on their side.
If you want to talk about puberty with your child’s pediatrician, contact our Chicago or Northbrook offices to schedule an appointment today!